Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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