He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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