I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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