Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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