I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
