So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i will never coherently bang her
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
