Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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