i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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