u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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