this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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