when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
