you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
