I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
