he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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