I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
