i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
