hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
