I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
