It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
