I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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