Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
