you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
