apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
