i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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