The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
