capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
