No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
