She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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