My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
