I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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