We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
