was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
