Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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