She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
