Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
