I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i out mim tonsoeep
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