Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
