I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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