I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
