bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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