Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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