Screwed.edu
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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