You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
