I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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