I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
