I wish I could punch you in the face.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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