and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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