no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
