Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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