Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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