i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize