She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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