My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
