I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
