Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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