when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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