Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
