umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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