I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
