ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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