My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
