She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize