She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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