Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Say something about gay babies.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
