May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
