Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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