I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
