the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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