Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
