omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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