I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
