I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize