Swine flu. Run for my life!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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